


Death and love

by Macabre_Angel



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Kane Chronicles - Rick Riordan
Genre: BAMF Nico di Angelo, But he's trying for his kids, But only for Anubis, Depressed Nico di Angelo, Father-Son Relationship, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hades does not understand mortals, Hades is a Good Parent, Hurt Nico di Angelo, Love at First Sight, M/M, Nico di Angelo Feels, Nico di Angelo Needs a Hug, Nico di Angelo has Nightmares, Nico di Angelo is a Good Friend, Nico needs more time, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Sad Nico di Angelo, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macabre_Angel/pseuds/Macabre_Angel
Summary: War with Gaia is over, but not everything is back to normal for Nico di Angelo. Horrors of Tartarus won't leave him alone and the past ghosts and unsolved problems only add to his torture. It there any chance for happiness?
Relationships: Anubis (Kane Chronicles) & Nico di Angelo, Anubis/Nico di Angelo, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nico di Angelo & Hades
Comments: 13
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

POV Nico

Nico di Angelo had recently started to think that he might be able to beat his cousin Percy in the terms of bad lack. After the war with Gaia, he spent some time in the Camp Half Blood. It was fun, he even managed to make some friends, but it ended as fast as it has began. Percy and Annabeth came back to New York to finish high school, Reyna and Frank were extremely occupied with their Pretor duties, Leo traveled the world with Calypso and Jason and Piper decided to go to school in California. It wasn't that bad, he still had been meeting with Romans at least twice a month (Hazel insisted), miss Sally, Percy's mom, invited him for a dinner every month and Jason and Piper did their best to call him once a week. He was extremely thankful for the time their gave him, but it was lonely.

Nico has been alone in the Camp and it was extremely difficult for him to both keep his sanity and be a "good camper". For the first week after end of the summer holiday he was able to keep up with the routine. He ate a breakfast at the Hades table, even if it was lonely without Jason and Percy, and their constant laughs. After that he spend his time at the area, but he felt too out of place without his friends. Most of campers stared at him, wanting to observe resident son of the big three and making Nico feel awkward. He knew that they probably just wanted to learn some new tricks as his style of fighting was really unusual, but it made him feel uncomfortable. After almost full four years he spend alone, either on the streets, the Labirynt or Underworld, he was unused to other people. Attention usually meant he was in danger. Now, when he constantly felt eyes on his back, he was always tense and ready to run or fight. It was different with Jason, Percy, Piper and Annabeth here. After the time their spent together fighting, he felt more at ease with them. He could almost relax and the constant voice in his head was faint.

Now he spent most of the time in the 13 cabin, sometimes unable to get out of bed because of a depression episode, sometimes just too tired of everybody's shit and unwanted attention. Horrors of Tartarus had never left him. Every night, he would be waken up by violent scenes playing in his head. Every day, he would flinch at sudden movements and cringe back from the accidental touch. It was getting worse and worse every day. The most overwhelming was the need to run. That was what keep him alive there. Move, run, never stop, never rest. Being bound to one place made him restless. He trained at the arena every day, for hours. He tried to do it when other campers weren't around now, usually after dinner. The voice in his head slowly made him go insane, he was fully aware of this. Reyna talked with him about a mind healer from New Rome who specialized in helping the demigods who had a hard time with living in the society after the time they spent on their own or the quests. There were days when he considered that, but he was too terrified. Outside of the fear connected with being judged and his inability of talking about his feelings and time he spent down there, he was generally terrified of the shrinks. He knew that a lot of things changed and XXI century was very different from the 1930s. His friends did know about his homosexuality and they all supported him. He has seen same sex couples around the Camp and in the mortal world, not being judged nor attacted and just living their lives, but he couldn't just vanish the images and words. He still remembered what has happened to his neighbor who was caught kissing another boy.

Nico shivered, hitting the training dummy hard with his stygian iron sword. He knew that the others campers were still wary of him. He was a creepy son of Hades after all. They did hopefully know by that time that he was not a bad guy, but it didn't really ease them. No one except for the Seven, Reyna and Chiron has ever really talk to him. From the feared and unwelcome creep he became a hero, but it didn't really change that much. They were to awestruck to treat him like a normal human being now. With a little sleep and food, and a lot of training he get, he was just constantly tired. His muscles were sore. He was too tired to lift his sword with his shaking arms, but he still forced himself to do a few more swings. Finally, unable to keep going, he fell on his knees and rested his forehead on the damaged dummy, breathing hard. His sword fell next to him limply. _You rest, you die. Run run run._ The voice in his head made him shiver but he was unable to get up. He grabbed his sword and pulled it in the sheath around his waist. He started to tear up. He was so tired he couldn't do it anymore. Three months, that much he was able to bear being on his own. He was disgusted with himself. He became weak. The voice warned him. He let others take care of him, became dependent. He had everything in camp, safety, food and bed. That made him weak. The need to run away was stronger now then ever before. He couldn't breathe and he felt as if the walls were closing on him, even though he was on the outside. The claustrophobic feeling and his inability to breathe properly was overwhelming, he didn't know what was happening but he was sure that he was dying. He pulled himself in the shadows with the rest of the strength he had had left and disappeared in the thin air.

\--time skip--

He woke up at the cemetery which wasn't shocking. Shadow traveling to the graveyards was easier for him with how much death was around and the state he was in didn't really let him do anything exhausting. It was a miracle he was alive as it is. Nico recognized the cemetery immediately. It was one of his favorite. New Orleans cemeteries where really unique. Usually, American cemeteries were rather boring, nothing like the ones he saw in Europe, but there were a few special ones. New Orleans cemetery with its beautiful ornament voults and monuments was one of his favorite places to hung out. The tombs were mostly Roman-style but as an Ambasador of Pluto he still felt more powerful here. He didn't know nearly as much about architecture as Annabeth, but he did admired the beauty of this place. He pulled himself to the sitting position and groaned lightly. He had to hit his head on some stone when he fainted because he immediately felt dizzy and vomited the little food he still had had in his stomach. He touched the back of his head and felt the dried blood as well as a little bit of fresh one although there wasn't as much as he feard. Still, it didn't look too good. At least some hours passed already, bleeding for that long couldn't be a good sign. He surely had a concussion, but at least he didn't bleed out yet. Concussion he can deal with. He pulled himself on the all fours, unable to get up completely and slowly crawled toward the open voult a few meters to his left. He slowly began to feel the freezing November temperature. It was a good thing he landed in New Orleans and not in some colder place. He didn't think he was lucky enough to survive low temperature, concussion and blood loss. He shivered again and rested on the cold stone wall of the cript. Tired demigod managed to eat some ambrosia he had in a pocket of his jacket and huddled, embracing his legs tightly. He rested his head on his knees, closing his eyes. He was still extremely cold, even with stone walls shielding him from the wind and ambrosia warming his body from the inside, probably because of the blood lose and his overall bad shape. At least the voice was quiet for once. He started to regret his actions very, very much. He was safe in Camp Half Blood, or at least as safe as demigod could be, and now he was dying in the voult somewhere in New Orleans, alone as ever. Quickly, the dizziness became too overwhelming and young Prince of the Underworld fell limply on the stone floor.


	2. Mourning the life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anubis and Nico meet and it's just some hurt/comfort and stubborn Nico, the usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics are thoughts and Nico's voice talking in his head, I finnaly put something i learned in the computer science class to good use, who knew HTML might come in handy sometimes.

Anubis had been hanging out in his favorite cemetery in New Orleans when he felt something weird. At first he ignored it, thinking that the strange aura was the result of the usual grief typical for the places of mourning, but he couldn't shake the feeling. It was not anything usual and he could not bear himself not to check it. The sign of blood and vomit made his stomach turn. _That's new_ He was a god of Embalming and Mummification after all. It's like it's his first time seeing blood or vomit. Many people would be surprised at the state some corpses were in when they we given into his care. He realized faintly that this might be the result of worry. That's new as well he thought, following the aura. Why would he worry about some mortal? That's probably just another drunk teenager or a homeless idiot who decided to live in his cemetery. Anubis was extremely fed up with that kind of people. They often had no respect for the dead, nor the grieving people who wanted to pay some respect to their loved ones. Some even went that far as to rob the graves.

The source of the aura was lying in the crypt just a meter or two away. He was out cold. Anubis felt the irritation rising. _Drunk teenager, just like I thought._ He was just about to leave him alone, but the strange, black sword pinned to boys belt made him hesitate. He didn't think teenagers nowadays carried weapons, and surely not something like that. He could feel the souls from it, as if some spirits were merged into the metal. He decided to take a look when he's done with this boy. He wasn't a healer obviously, but he could see now that he was hurt, so leaving him was completely out of question. He's not a monster after all and the boy wasn't in a good shape. He could feel pity forming in his stomach. What could've happened? From his dealings with the Kane siblings he knew that the teen was young enough not to be on his own. He should probably be under the care of his parents or some other adults. He kneeled next to the curl up form and touched his wrist to check his pulse. It was faint, just like he thought. His body was also extremely cold and Anubis knew that these were not the good signs. The teen had a rather nasty-looking injury at the back of his head, probably a concussion and was seriously exhausted. He could feel something was seriously wrong with his soul as well, it was much older that it should be, but he decided to take a look again later. He had more important things to do now. He was in no means a god of healing, but he was quite proficient with fixing the dead bodies. It couldn't really be that different, could it? Anyways, Anubis decided that the temperature is probably the first thing he could take care of, the boy was breathing and injury wasn't bleeding after all. In fact it looked as if it was healing itself. He summoned a little fireplace and lit it. He hesitated for a moment and took off his leather jacket, covering the teen with it. It wasn't a lot, but it would heat him up a little, hopefully. With a single hand movement he vanished the rest of dried blood and vomit, and looked at the wound. It was mostly healed. Suddenly, everything klicked. It all made sense, odd aura, the sword, magically healing wound. It was his first time meeting a greek demigod, but he was sure the boy was one. It didn't really explained the soul age thing as he was sure demigods aged just like mortals, but he would have to wait for boy to wake up to find out more. He was quite curious now. What were the odds of an injured demigod finding his way to his cemetery?

He sat next to the teen and took a closer look. He was rather young, close to his own physical (and mental) age, probably fifteen, but his youthful, innocent face and delicate body could have misguid him. Even in his sleep he looked rather disturbed, like it was hard for him to rest. His skin was almost unnaturally pale and he was very skinny, but he wasn't ugly. Anubis would even describe him as handsome, even if it did make him blush a little. He wasn't usually affected in any way by mortals, nor the other gods. He has never been in a relationship nor did he felt a need to be in one, but he couldn't ignore the strange connection he felt with the unconscious boy. That's stupid he thought, almost angrily I'm not attracted to a mortal. That's just absurd. Death was the end for romance. After all, the lovers promised each other love until death parts them. Anubis didn't think that he was able to feel something like that. He just probably felt some strange need to take care of the demigod, just like one care for the wounded animal. Maybe it's his jackal side, making him take care of a cub? He unwittingly brushed demigod's hair from his eyes looking down on him. Maybe he's just lonely? Something about the boy was strangely similar. He did look a little like Anubis himself but it wasn't really that. He felt as if there were some bond between the two of them. The demigod definitely was something special. Maybe it's his strange soul and aura of death that drew Anubis to him.

Nico woke up with the soft groan. His whole body was sore, but it wasn't anything new. Because of the extensive exercises he did every day, it was very usual for him. What surprised him was a fact that he didn't wake up screaming bloody murder and how well rested and warm his body felt. It was not the feeling he remembered from his previous life of course, of waking up in his own bed in his grandfather's house in DC, wrapped in the warm covers and so comfortable and happy. But it certainly was a good sleep considering he was a homeless demigod trying to keep himself alive and not a grandson of rich Italian ambassador anymore. He opened his eyes slowly, immediately noticing a figure sitting just next to him. He sat down quickly, much too quick if the dark spots he saw now were anything to go by but he didn't care. He felt his panic building up and demigod's reflexes taking over his movements, making him grab his sword and crawl back from the other. The voice woke up in his head screaming _run run run._ He could feel his heart beating rapidly, just like it did before. His thoughts were running thousands miles per second. He was too weak to shadow travel again, he didn't want to hurt himself. _Run run run._ The other was blocking the entrance, he couldn't get out. _Never stop._ His only chance was to fight. He could only hope he could defend himself. _Pathetic._ He could feel his hands shaking. _Worthless._ He was hyperventilating. _You will die here, demigod. You never did get out, did you?_

Anubis stood up slowly, startled by the teen's behavior. He was clearly having a panic attack. He was suddenly rather content that he decided to stay with him. In the state he was in, he wouldn't be able to keep his ground against a thief, much less a monster he remembered tend to hunt the demigods down all the time.

"Hey, I won't hurt you. Try to breathe with me, can you do this?" Anubis asked, not moving forward to the boy and keeping his hands up so the other could see them. He decided that keeping some distance was the best thing he could do for now. He started to breathe deeply, looking at the boy. He could see that the demigod couldn't really look on him, his eyes unfocused. PTSD? After a few minutes demigod calmed down a little and followed his lead, breathing steadily. His hands weren't trembling but his body was still rather tense and he seem wary of Anubis. Smart, the god thought. Trusting strangers was never a good idea, especially the ones you happened to woke up next to while hiding at the cemetery.

"Who are you?" Nico asked flatly. He felt tired again and really embarrassed but it didn't really made him lower his guard. The other teen, as he now was able to notice, could easily killed him while he slept or during his pathetic panic attack, true, but if living on the streets and dealing with Minos tought him anything, is was to never trust anyone. There were a lot more ways to harm a naive little boy than by simply killing him. He remembered a man he met shortly after he ran away, just a few days after Bianca's death. He was so nice to him, gave him food and some warm clothes to help him. Nico was sappy enough then to still believe in human kindness. He was extremely thankful for his shadow travel abilities which kicked out when the man requested a payment for his aid. He didn't want to even think what would happen to him if not for his powers.

"I'm Anubis" Other teen stated, giving him a small smirk. "You can calm down, I don't want to hurt you, demigod. I just wanted to help you a little, I didn't think my presence would frighten you that much"

"I wasn't..." Nico wanted to deny. He wasn't some frighten kid lost in the supermarket. But he knew that his previous behavior didn't really painted the image of the strong, independent son of Hades. Neither did the past few months he thought bitterly. He frowned when he finally recognized the name. He used to have a mythomagic card with it. "Anubis? As if Egiptian god of death?"

"That would be me" He said grinning and grabbed his jacket from the floor to put it on. "I think you don't need it anymore." He said, easy smile still on his face.

"Oh" Just then Nico really took a look at his surroundings. There was a small fireplace not too far from the place he slept in and he was probably covered with the Anubis' jacket while he was asleep. Probably the only reason he didn't woke up shivering from cold. He could see a warm feeling forming in his chest but he ignored it. _No one would help you selflessly. You are worthless._ "Thank you." He said quietly, because despite what everyone said, he did have manners.

He sat down and sighed, finally relaxing his tensed muscles. He was too tired for this shit. Nico could only hope that the god didn't want to send him at a mission to find his lost priceless hairbrush as a repay or some other shit. Some sleep he was able to get didn't heal his constant tierdness. He just wanted to curl up and rest a little. The faint voice in his head still has been telling him to run, but he dealt with it a little by doing something with his hands all the time, a trick he learned from Leo.

"I can keep you safe you for a little bit if you want me to" Anubis said, tilting his head a little in a dog-like manner. "I usually just spend my time hanging out on the graveyards..."

"Not to be rude or anything, but what would you gain by doing this?" Nico broke in, frowning at the god. He was thankful for the help, he really was, but he wasn't naive. The voice was right, people didn't just went out of their way to help him. He didn't really fancy becoming a puppet for the egiptian god, especially god of death. His father wouldn't be pleased.

"You would keep me company of course" Anubis smirked again and moved to sit down next to the demigod. "You could probably startby telling me your name. You know who I'm and I have no clue."

"Nico di Angelo, son of Hades" He said, quite stunned. He didn't know if the answer made him want to run or stay and leap at the chance. People didn't want to just hung out with him, maybe with the exception of Hazel or Jason. On the other hand, he knew that some people like Percy, Piper or Reyna pitied him and hung out with him because they felt bad for him. That always made him annoyed. He might have some issues, he won't argue with that. But he used to be a lonely demigod for almost whole four years and he was alive to tell the story. That meant something. He did not need the pity. Besides, he did run away to stop being dependent. "I don't need your help"

Anubis raised his eyebrow, amused. He could see how tired the teen - Nico, was. He was stubborn, and he most certainly didn't like accepting help from others. The god also noticed that he probably had same issues that caused the later. He didn't feel a pity towards the demigod, though. It was something entirely different than that, and if Anubis were honest, it frightened him a little. He felt a need to put this painfully strong boy and keep him in his arms, shelter him from all the evil in the world. The god shaked his head. That was a rather funny thought, especially with Nico looking like he would choppe his head off if he tried to touch him. It was not a time for this strange feeling which tried to consume him since he felt son of Hades' aura.

"I'm afraid you won't get rid of me quite that easily" Anubis said to the sitting boy who sent him an almost bored look. "You see, I don't talk with humans too often. Sometimes it gets rather lonely, not being able to talk to anyone living."

Anubis could see understanding in these onyx eyes, but the mask the teen wore was back in place too soon for him to interpret any more emotions. He could see that Nico tried his hardest to appear strong and almost invincible on the outside, but he was just a sad teen who needed someone. God of funerals knew the feeling.

"I'm not interested in selling my time, in any form. I'm really thankful for your help, but I don't have enough energy for a quest and I'm not a good company so you can just go" He said firmly. "I will just rest for a little bit and then go too. I won't be a burden for much longer."

Anubis frowned. "Look, I know that this may seem weird to you, but I don't want anything from you. Just let me sit here. You don't have to talk to me or anything. I'm not cruel and I do care about people". The god felt rather strangely saying that, especially that even he could hear the desperation in his voice. He somehow couldn't bear the thought of leaving the boy alone. He was more than a little hurt when Nico just looked at him with a blank face and struggled, but at least he could stay. Baby steps. Anubis closed his eyes, suddenly irritated with the direction his thoughts were heading. That's just stupid he thought angrily Why do I even care about a mortal boy so much? 

"If it's so important to you then stay. Hades, your underworld must be extremely dull if you insist so much. I'm not a very fun person as I said". Son of Hades laid himself on the stone ground and stretched, trying to make himself more comfortable. Anubis thought that he resembled a cat a little. But it was somehow all right, he wasn't like that mog, Bastet. He had such a soft, nice hair. The god really wanted to dig his fingers in them, unweave the knots... He closed his eyes again. Where were this thoughts coming from? The attraction he felt to the teen was unnerving. It felt almost unnatural, but also somehow right. Why would he feel such a strong attraction towards someone he just met? He knew it often happened to other gods, but never to him. Anubis was never the one for love or sex. And since the Egyptian gods were banned from any contact with mortals, it was even easier. He saw how the love towards mortals could demage a god. The Greek pantheon was a good example of that, with their constant fighting over mortal lovers and illegitimate children. But Nico wasn't mortal he thought. The rule didn't really applied to demigods.

\--Olympus--

"Oh, they are just perfect!" Afrodite sang out cheerfully. "Just look at them son! The pain on their faces, the longing we planted in Anubis is just perfect. He radiates a need to just hold our little Nico. Oh and the internal conflict! I just love giving love to the young inexperienced souls."

"Yes mother, they are indeed perfect." Eos smiled. There was a hard edge in his beautiful face, giving him an almost cruel look. "Young Nico is much too afraid to love again. Too afraid to be close to anyone, too afraid of touch and his own feelings. I already told him that love is often cruel. They both are going to have to have their hearts broken again to let them be shaped in a way it needs to be, just like Apollo breaks a badly grown together bone. I think that's one of our best projects."

"Indeed, indeed" Goddes of love clapped her hands happily "Now, let's move to my daughter Piper and that Jason boy. I don't live how Hera messed up with them. Let's see..."


	3. Exhumation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Nico breakdown and maybe some language, not a real tw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really did take my time with this one, but I wanted to wait until this chapter feels right. In the meantime I corrected the last chapter a little but for the final correction of the whole story you would have to wait until I'm done with it, otherwise I will never finish. I get much too distracted. Thank you for all the kudos, I'm surprised that so many people are interested in this story. Love you all! ❤️

There was a child living inside of Nico. He was aware of the fact for quite some time actually. He used to embrace the child fully, before Bianca's death. Without the memories of his previous life, he was just that. Little naive child who needed all the love and care he could have. Many children his age were like that, clinging to their parents. Even though most of them started to become more independent, believing they were grown up now and they didn't need help anymore. But Nico just acted like he felt he should. He didn't have parents and spending time with his older sister wasn't as lame as it would be with his mammy (even though Nico would do everything to spend some time with her). And so, he allowed himself to be over excited about the Mythomagic, buzzing with energy child without worries. As a result, he made Bianca leave him. Now he was able to understand how extremely hard it has to be for his 12 years old sister to take care of a child. She was a child herself and she needed to find herself in the new reality. If only he wasn't so clingy, she might be alive now. In the grief he buried the child deep inside himself, too afraid he might hurt someone else because of his hurt mind and soul. He felt bigger and bigger need for some closeness, someone to hold him so he wouldn't be alone anymore, but he knew he could not make a mistake like that again. He chose to remain strong, far away from other people so he would not break. He never cried since his flee from the Camp Half Blood. He did everything he could to conceal his emotions, well enough he was almost sure he didn't have ones anymore. After the Titan War, it became clear that he didn't really had so much to worry about. People kept away from him on their own. He wasn't welcome. They treated him as if he was covered in savage and blood. But that's okay, he kept telling himself, even though the hole in his heart was growing bigger and bigger and he hung his head even lower. That way he wouldn't hurt anyone. He could deal with loneliness, emotional hurt and sadness he felt. But he wouldn't deal with another lost. Sadly, his feelings only get worse after the Tartarus. He get hurt so much that he started losing control around other people. Only thing keeping him together on Argo II was the war and the feeling of purpose. He couldn't screw it up and he knew that, that pushed him to do more and not to be so pathetic. Even though he felt the overwhelming need to just break down, sink to his knees and cry his eyes out, he knew he could do it. Fighting was something he knew, no matter how bad his physical and mental condition was. He had to be strong enough to take the others to the Doors of Death, to ensure no one else will die. Just keep your shit together he was telling himself then. Helping others is the only thing your worthless ass is able to do, so do it you crybaby! He almost smiled every time after he told himself that. It made him feel safe, it was something he has been doing since he was ten after all. He almost failed in the Croatia though. Being forced to tell someone about some of his feelings, the feeling of love he tried to bury even more than the other has almost broken his walls down. There were the cracks in the wall now. He made himself fight harder after that. He had to avoid Jason as well as try and keep himself from failing. It get easier after he left Argo to deliver the Athena Parthenos, Reyna wasn't as persistent to talk about feelings as son of Jupiter, but she still gave him the look, especially after sharing her power with him. But that was okay. He just ignored it. He won't endanger any other person with his feelings again. So he dealt with the child on his own. It got harder for him to get out of bed, he spent a lot of time crying silently, staring at the celling in the night and he started avoiding people more. He knew it was pathetic but maybe after some time he will heal. Just as his physical injuries did, he hoped that mental ones will go away with some time and sleep. During the day he kept himself occupied which helped a lot. Over meals he observed other campers or listened to Percy and Jason shouting over they respectable tables, trying to converse even though they didn't share a table. He even tried to talk to Hazel and Reyna regularly after the Romans left to their own camp. Even though he tried his hardest not to form any real connection with anyone, even his own sister, it was good. Much better than the Camp was after the seven left. They did help with some of the loneliness and sadness he felt and even though it did not help with his other problems, it was much more he had in years. The Camp grown so uncomfortable that he just had to run away and now he was hidden in some crypt with some stranger who just couldn't leave him alone. How pathetic had he become. Truth was, all he wanted right now was someone to care. He selfishly wanted to have just a one person who would cherish him and love him. He knew from his encounter with Eos that love was cruel, but he also saw the beauty of it. He has seen it in the soft forehead kisses Frank gave Hazel sometimes, in literally everything Percy and Annabeth did, from the way they fight guarding each others back to jumping to the Tartarus. But he had no illusions. He was well aware No one could ever love him. He was ugly, scrawny, heartless son of Hades. Nico could feel tears falling down his cheeks. He shot a quick glance at the Anubis who was asleep, thank the gods, and he wiped some of the tears, even though they were falling uncontrollable so it was completely pointless. The child in him has finally woken up and the hole in his heart grow even bigger. He cried harder and tried to embrace himself, staring at the ceiling. Pain has always hunted him and when it finally catched him, he was a sobbing mess like that. He hated that, but he dealt this was so he guessed it's okay. All his selfish mind needed was someone to hold him and in this state he was able to let that happen

Anubis didn't even realized when he fell asleep. After some time he spent observing the tiny sleeping form of one Nico di Angelo, he just dropped off, in the sitting position on the stone cold floor of the crypt. What finally woke him up was the faint sound of crying. It was extremely soft, soft enough to almost make him believe he imagined it. He was actually rather surprised that he was even able to hear the gentle sob coming from the young demigod. He moved closer to him so he could have a clear sight of his face. His cheeks were red and there tears falling down. Anubis wiped them off gently. The boy opened his eyes and tried to crawl away from the god, clearly startled by the gesture. Young god slapped himself mentally. Nico looked so shaken that he could feel his heart breaking. He gently lifted up the demigod and put him on his lap, ignoring the weak sounds of protest. Demigod was clearly exhausted and in a pain, because Anubis was sure he would put a bigger fight at the attempted touch in the normal circumstances, which only worried him further. He placed a light kiss on the teen's forehead and hugged him to his chest. Son of Hades hidden his face in his chest which made the god smile faintly.

"It's okay. Everything is okay. You're safe Nico"

The words didn't seem to help. He only started crying harder and clinged to Anubis' shirt, grabbing the material . The older men pulled him firmer to his chest and stroked his hair. Just as soft as I thought. He smiled sadly and decided against further talking. He was better suited to comfort the boy physically, as he didn't know him too well and he was too afraid that he might say something to make him run away from him. Nico felt so right in his arms, despite the situation and he wasn't ready to give it up. He felt like he never wanted to let go, so he just kept stroking boy's hair and hoped that that he will be better soon.

\--

"Why are you doing this?" Nico asked, his voice tired from all the crying. He did not move from older boy's - god's - laps though. He felt too right in the warm embrace, even though he knew how disgusted Anubis had to be with him at this point. He couldn't find the energy to care, still too selfish after the child's appearance. Even though, he was shocked when he felt a soft kiss on the top of his hair and a gentle hand stroking his back.

"That's what you need, Nico. I'm happy to give it to you" Anubis said, imminently startled with his answer, but he also knew it was true. He could almost see sadness radiating from demigod and he knew mental pain when he saw one. He was content that he was the one who could give the younger boy the comfort he needed, no matter how selfish it was. "I care about you. I don't know why, but I do. And I don't mind holding you when you cry". After the statement Nico finnaly looked at him with his big eyes filled with hope and sadness, and asked one question which hunted him since he first saw the demigod.

"Why?"

"I don't know Nico. I really don't know"


	4. Stranger to death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm genuinely sorry. But it's cute, I promise!

The next morning Nico woke up with his head on Anubis' laps, once again covered with his leather jacket. As soon as he realized that, he felt his cheeks heat up. He had no idea how he ended up like that, but he did felt weirdly in-place. Last night they didn't talked much and he had a lot of time to think. He was a little startled by all the care god gave seemed to regard him with, but he supported it was just another Nico pity party at first. His friends liked to treat him like that too sometimes, as if he was a porcelain doll or a child rather than a demigod with four years on field experience. Then he realized that he secretly didn't mind it as much from the jackal and he started to think that maybe Anubis did care about him in a completely non-pity way, but that souded rather absurd even in his head. Who cared about someone after roughly three days since they met? But he also couldn't just wash the bizarre feelings he got around the god down He didn't feel the need to be strong and independent in front of him as much, even the voice in his head was calmer in the presence of jackal. Maybe he still was tired and needed some affection after his last breakdown, or maybe he was just going crazy, but it just felt nice to be hold. Nico actually liked being hugged from time to time, it made him feel more like a human being, not a monster. Like he wasn't as much disgusting as everyone believed. But was afraid when people tried to touch him without his consent or even when they just made too sudden movement standing too close to him and he knew most of people he knew noticed it quite fast. It's just a reflex after living on the streets, no matter what Will told him about it being a PTSD symptom. XXI century was confusing sometimes with all this The seven with exception of Hazel kept their distance after that which he was grateful for, but also sometimes, when he felt the big hole in his chest swallow his insides, and when his skin crawled in need of some human contact... That was a strange combination, being anxious for touching and because of it. Anubis stroked his hair gently, which made him open his eyes. The god was smiling at him gently and demigod could feel the warmth spreading in his chest again. Anubis' touch did felt right and safe somehow.

"How are you today Nico?"

"Better" Son of Hades returned the smile faintly and sat dawn, facing the jackal god "Thank you. And I'm sorry that you had to see me like that" He looked down at his hands with shame. He was trying so hard to be strong, to learn how to live normally after all that has happened to him and he had to have a breakdown in front of a god. 

Thankfully, Anubis decided to change the subject when he realized how uncomfortable demigod was.

"Hey Nico, I meant to ask you about this when I found you. Your soul is quite strange. It's old, and while I know that you Greeks reincarnate, it's not even that. Like, the souls current age is older than it should be." Nico looked up at Anubis and nodded.

"Yes, well, I've been born in 1938. I spent decades in this hotel in Las Vegas, The Lotos. Time there is strange and even though we have been there for that many years, it felt like two months maybe? And we didn't even age. That's why my physical and mental age is almost 16 and not nearly 75."

"Us?"

"I... Bianca" Nico looked down at his hands again, touching his skull ring lightly. "She was my older sister. She died"

Anubis made a move to put his hand on Nico's shoulder, but the teen tensed immediately so he decided against it. "I understand the grief better that most, even though I have never suffered a lost before. Well, not in the whole "lost someone to death" kind of way" He smiled sadly at the thought of his parents who abandoned him when he was still a child. "I've been too afraid to form any bond, even with people I thought of as a family, because I have never wanted to experience that pain. I can feel the grief from you, even if it's not as strong as it probably used to be. Still, you shouldn't close yourself and build walls. I can tell that you are afraid of other people and while I don't know what's your story, being alone isn't really something good. Trust me"

Nico looked up at the god and stared at him for a minute, almost making Anubis squirm. Then, he send him a smirk "I expected the usual "I'm sorry for your lost" thing, not the whole philosophical advice, but you're right. I used to run away from people because I've been afraid to form an attachment, and while I'm still wary of strangers, I've my reasons. But maybe you're not so bad, Anubis. You might be actually right about..." He felt as if someone has just slapped him. He almost wanted to tell the god that he want to stay, and that maybe a friend is what they both need. He closed his eyes, resting his chin on his knees. He ran away because he was dependent, which was a bad thing. It made him week and needy, and it had to stop. He allowed himself to stay with Anubis for a while because he needed some time to heal. Or that's what he told himself. Now he was better physically after the three days rest and it was a time to go. While something in his head other than the voice told him to stay here, with Anubis, he knew he couldn't. He needed to stop being pathetic, not to form another attachment. He was the Ghost King for gods' sake, not some fragile little boy begging for attention.

"I have to go" He said quietly. Pained and surprised look in Anubis' eyes almost made him hesitant, but he knew he couldn't. "It was nice to meet you. I hope I will see you again one day" He stand up and disappeared in the shadows, not looking at the god again. He could feel pain in his chest and that was the exact moment when he realized his screwed. He used hoped that his second crush wouldn't be another Percy, but there he was, running away again.

\--

Anubis stared into the place where Nico disappeared for a few minutes before he was able to snap out of the shock. It was so incalculable that he was unable to even blink before the demigod shadowtraweled away. He had never felt so helpless before. Anubis grabbed his jacket from the ground and clenched his fists around it. It still had Nico's faint smell on it and he felt as if someone gripped his heart and tried to rip it out of his chest. He didn't knew how it was even possible that the young demigod to grow on him in such a little time, but he couldn't care less at that moment. For the first time in his immortal life he needed someone and when Nico left, he could almost feel the grief he has told him about earlier. It was hard to breathe and his eyes stung so much that he just couldn't stay in this place any longer. It used to be his favorite place in the world, it always calmed him, but now he could only think about the beautiful boy who has stolen his heart. Anubis absently though that if he was a mortal, he would be unable to enter the Underworld now. While Nico was just a little more than a stranger to him, he felt such a connection to him that he knew he had to distract himself to be able to stop thinking about him even for a moment. He traveled to the only place he knew could keep him occupied.

"Anubis!" Sandie called out happily, her blue eyes sparkling happily at his sight. He forced himself not to think about the son of Hades and send her a smile.

"Hello Sandie. Happy birthday"

\--

Nico shadowtraweled directly to the throne room of his father's palace. It was winter, so he knew Persephone was in the Underworld, but she was nowhere in sight, thank you for the gods. Hades was present in the room and he was waiting for him judging by his behavior.

"Fuck" Nico said quietly as his father raised from his throne. He seemed angry.


	5. Lord of Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In so embarrassed that it took me so long to update, I'm extremely sorry! The truth is, I really did struggled with this chapter. It was really hard for me to get what I wanted from it, but well... I still am nothing near happy with it and I'm probably going to change it, especially that the chapter is half the length of the usual one, but I really wanted to post it already. I hope it will help me with the mess the story is in my head right now 🙄 But well, I can promise you some fatherly Hades and even kinda motherly Persephone in the next chapter.

Hades had a really busy year and a half. First, his father decided to came back to living and destroy the west civilization and probably the rest of the world in a consequence, then, after Kronos' defeat, his grandmother has woken up from her millenniums - long sleep to torment everyone and clog his Underworld like a public toilet. Lord of Death really wished it was enough of the ends od world for this century. The amount of souls joining his kingdom rapidly increased during the time and the amount of paperwork alone was killing him. As much as you can kill an immortal, that is. Add the escaped souls, never ending complaints from the dead and construction site all over the place, and you have the killer headache which was Hades' current life. Which lead him to yet another situation. See, he really has been trying to be a better father lately. He couldn't really do anything for his little girl, Hazel, although he was secretly observing her every once in a while and he couldn't help but be extremely proud of her. She really was doing great, being a centurion at the age of fourteen! He didn't really like her relationship with that older boy. He seemed to be rather caring and respectful towards his daughter, but Mars' son for fate's sake! She could do so much better. Or just wait until she's much, much older. Like, forty. He complained to Nico about that little situation but his only son just rolled his eyes at his father's antiques. Disrespectful little brat. Hades send him a little smile. He was really proud of his son too. Then they had a nice family dinner (even Persephone decided to join them) and that was the last time Hades saw his son. Almost three weeks! He was rather embarrassed that he didn't realized something was wrong sooner. Nico usually visited at least once a week since they decided to try and be a family. Once or twice he even brought Persephone a flower from Demeter's cabin in Camp which improved their relationship a little. At last they weren't murderous anymore. But back to his boy, Hades really was starting to get anxious. Not only couldn't he iris message him, he couldn't even track his location. Last time that happened...

He was currently sitting on his throne in the throne room, thinking about places where his son could hide and where he would be unable to track him. He even started to consider sending the furies after him, but he was a little afraid that that could lead to a fight. Not that his boy wasn't able to hold his ground, even against the three sisters. But he didn't want to unnecessary endanger him. So he just sat there as the grim thoughts played with his fatherly instincts. Then finally felt a faint pull, indicating that someone has just entered the Underworld. As the shadowed person appeared just in front of him, he could feel the relief. Nico. His Nico was safe and was here. He stand up, wanting to pull him into a hug. But he didn't. He was the Lord of the Underworld, after all. With the strong feeling of assuagement fainting, he started to feel the irritation. He was so afraid, didn't know where the brat was, wondering if maybe he died and his soul get lost or maybe even some other pantheon has stolen it. And there he was, alive and fine! He was too distracted to notice that he wasn't all that fine but only important thing right now was the relief and frustration he felt, and the realization that his boy is alive. He was just glad to have him back.

-Fuck - he could here the soft curse falling from his son's lips. He almost smiled. At last he had enough judgment to know that his father wasn't happy with him. Smart boy.

-We need to talk Nico - he sat on his throne again and flicked his wrist, showing his son to come closer. Nico flinched a little, but came closer as asked. Hades never even thought about any form of corporal punishment but given boys reactions whenever they discussed mistakes he made and the appropriate punishment, he knew that his son wasn't a stranger to that. It enraged him that someone dared to touch his son, but he knew that it was a norm in the 30s and 40s. Hades thought of it as barbaric and idiotic way to rise a child, used only by unsuitable parents, but he very well knew that he was not a father of the year. His son would probably be much saner if not for his terrible treatment of his after Bianca's death.

-I know that I have broken the rules father and I'm really sorry - Nico said in calm, apologetic tone. Hades knew that his heir was nervous but he was able to hide his emotions well during the "official parts" of their relationship. Hades made sure that Nico wasn't afraid of him in any way and after few talks their have had, he was able to calm down completely in his father's presence. Their relationship was far from perfect and they both knew it, but it was a big step for them. Also, Nico's ability to switch smoothly between his respectful and professional and cheeky teenager modes was something Hades was really proud of. He knew his son was a born diplomat, able to adjust to changing circumstances. All he needed was more self esteem and a purpose, and he was sure Nico could rule a world if he wanted to. And not in a way his brothers tried.

-I'm not going to lie Nico. I'm extremely disappointed. I thought we are well over that running away phase of yours - Hades said calmly, observing his son closely. He could see a quick glimpse of relief in his eyes, something that would be absolutely unnoticed by human. But he was a god and one of the ones who liked to have upper hand in every situation. So his son is hiding something. - I don't care where you decided to hide... - Or rather, I know you won't tell me the truth either way, son -... but I will personally make sure you won't leave the Underworld until the Christmas, and you will only do so in order to spend some time with your sister and friends. You are going to be under constant supervision while on the surface until you prove that you won't do anything stupid like that again. Am I clear?

-Yes Father - Hades could see how angry his son was and he answered with the satisfied smile. Nico valued his independence greatly and he knew that his freedom to move as he pleased was one of the worst punishments for the boy. He didn't really think that a week of house arrest was a cruel punishment, usually he would go for hard labor task like taking care of his paperwork, but it was perfect for Nico at the time.

-I would like you to return to your room for now. I will send for you when it's time for dinner. I refilled your bookshelves son - Lord of Death gave him a kind, fatherly smile, indicating the end of the serious talk. The smile disappeared from his face the moment Nico turned on his heel and stormed from the room without a world. That definitely was not the usual reaction. Hades frown, trying to think about something that could cause such a reaction in his usually mature son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Chapter is absolutely unbeta'ed so if you see any mistakes or you have some pointers, please do tell. I really appreciate every single comment I get ❤️


End file.
